Why do we apologize for things?

I have come into encounters with many people over my days, various backgrounds, philosophy’s, and life situations. I love the unique qualities that make each and every bein an individual.

Something ive found is that often I will have a conversation, whether extremely brief or in depth, and many times the party will use the term ‘sorry’ or ‘apologize’ at least once. To be polite, kind, these are values I learnt as a child and I do believe they are beneficial, but something tells me the apology is being overused. It’s as though it has become a crutch of our society. The scapegoat or perhaps even the ‘magic eraser’.

Are we truly apologetic though? Are we simply saying the things that will appease the other party involved?

Questions I can not answer, but ones that open my mind to some perspective based on much thought.

I just finished reading a wonderful book and it reminded me of many things. I rode a bike to the library picked out a book and headed to a cafe to sit and read. Shortly into the book I read a statement that peaked my interest. As I had rode a bike to the cafe I had not brought along with me my usual notepad to jot down notes and inspiration. So I proceeded to open my ‘thoughts’ note on my phone where I often write these notes when a pen and paper are not available. Before typing, I realized it was going to be necessary to write a significant amount more than just this first statement to write down. So near the cafe I found a shop and spent far too much on a new journal and pen. One of those journal’s that would have enticed many others, but for me I would have been just as happy with a legal notepad and a HB2 Pencil.

As I dug deeper into the book a defining thought was permeating through my mind, or as they would write the thought ‘marinated’ in my mind.

I recall when I first received my now tattered and torn notepad. A good friend gave it to me along with a letter and a note. Someone I had admired had mentioned to me, in a public setting, that I needed to write down the thoughts and ideas that were coming to my mind. My friend bought the journal, knowing me well enough to say that I would likely delay and never purchase a journal if I could avoid it, so she took the liberty. I filled many pages within the first few days. It became a location for me to escape my mind. I could extract the thought and no longer need to hold on to it, the thought that could often block my mind from allowing anything else in.

I’m in a new journal now, but many of the same thoughts I find myself writing down again. Reminding myself that many lessons you intend and are required to learn keep blocking your path forward until you’ve truly put them into action.

-I will apologize in advance to anyone reading further into this post as I know it will be very scattered and a great degree unorganized.

Ignorance has the ability to fool yourself into believing you are smarter than you are. It can also compound the insecurity you feel within, disabling you from overcoming your fears.

As I’m sure that statement makes very little sense… i’ll provide an example of what I’m thinking.

I like to believe that I am very intelligent… and that often powers me to say ‘yes I understand’ or ‘I know’ when I have truly no idea what the person is talking about. It also allows me to nod my head as someone speaks using words my mind does not know the definition for. While reading this book in the last day I found many terms the author used that I did not understand. At first, I just kept reading and in vain it was. I then began to realize there was no benefit for me to continue if I did not understand, so I began to look up definitions, to write them down, to read the phonics of the terms… I began to take the real opportunity in front of me to learn and not simply be ignorant of the truth. The truth that I DID NOT KNOW.

Many people are unhappy with who they are and the situation their life is currently in. Often they look for motivations to encourage the change they desire, such as a spouse, an occupation, a promotion or a number of other things. The issue I’ve found in this is that that if the motivation disappears so does the change. Whether it’s something simple like making your bed every day, or something like quitting smoking, I’ve yet to find a truth other than the change must be motivated and made for you by you. If you do not determine that you want to be different… you will only change for a time. A statement I have written down says this ‘You are only who YOU determine to become’. Without personal determination, the change will only be service.

Consider a weed. I spent many days during my summer pulling weed, after weed. Now as tedious as it may have been, my boss knew that only by pulling out the roots would it not grow back. Change is much the same. You can cut off the top, you can appear a changed person but unless you dig deep and get the root of the problem and deal with that’s hidden below the surface, the thing you’ve tried to change will only reappear in due time. And when it does… it’s up to you to make the decision.

‘Life is powered by Inertia’

Like a boulder falling down a mountain, unless something interrupts it’s path, the boulder will continue in its path.

I have two versions of my future that are often available for me to view in my mind. The first is the life I want, the future I dream of and see. The second tends to be the obvious destination the one that exists if I continue as the boulder does, without interruption. Interruption is uncomfortable, often painful, and undesired…. but in order to accomplish the desired outcome. Not desired by others, but the one you really want, you really need, you must cause friction, and not allow the forces around you shape you. You must stand up and create the new reality, the future that changes everything.

I hope something I’ve written above entices a thought within you… Cause that’s all I have at the moment, is thoughts about the future and right now I’m allowing them to marinate.

-You can gain wisdom from anyone.

-There is an ounce of truth in most every statement.

-There is an ounce of fallacy in most every statement.

-If you see everyone as having the same problem, chances are you truly have the issue.

-When more than one party identify the same trait in you, how are you able to simply brush it off?

-First you must admit the problem.

-Second, YOU must change it.

-Third, YOU can’t give up!

-Often, the complaints you have about other people, someone has about you.

Change is difficult, it requires you to admit that what you were doing previously is not the best option anymore. In a sense it’s you admitting your failure. No one likes to feel that. Change forces you to be decisive and disciplined. For you to say ‘I am doing this!’ and putting away all other options for a specific time.

I am an imperfect man. I will never a perfect man, but I will be better than I am. I make decisions daily that direct my life one way or another. One of the most difficult things I’ve found whilst forging my identity is having to go against the approval of other people. I can not be who people desire for me to be, if it is not true to who I am meant to be.

Every person I encounter plays a part in the development of ‘I’, but no one should be able to dictate what is ‘right’ for me. Some in their life will leave having never owned a home, had a career, a wife, and children, and they may have lived to their fullest potential. Another may make six figures a year, have their boy and girl, and fifty years of marriage to their high school sweetheart, and they may have lived to their fullest potential. The issue we face in life is that no one is the same, no one lives the same, and we were never meant to be anything less than uniquely us.

When I start to hear the same complaint from multiple parties, I can no longer brush it off as their individual opinion. I must think and decide, ‘There must be truth in what they say, so Josiah, are you going to do something about it? Or are you okay with hearing that same complaint for years to come?’

I ask you this…

Are you willing to admit you’re wrong and that there are parts of your character you need to change. NOT JUST IDENTIFY!!!! CHANGE…..?

Maybe. I’m on the brink of growing up.

I say ‘you know i’m an ……….. whatever person’ as though that validates it.

Empower yourself to not be tomorrow, the person you were yesterday. You won’t always succeed, but if you determine and stand your ground you will become greater than who you were.

I could stay who I am. I could continue to make excuses. I could continue to be walked all over. I could complain about what others do. I could become jealous and envious of relationships, opportunities, and other people.

OR….?

In knowing all that, I will determine to change. Not for anyone. For when you change for someone, if you lose them, you’re change is lost as well. Rather change for you, and nothing, and no one else.

Wish me luck.

The stage of life I’m in currently allows me to see many different methods of how to raise children. It also has placed me in a position to see how some kids have turned out, now being adults. I have friends that grew up in a way that resembles my childhood about as much as I resemble a pink flamingo.

My eldest two siblings have little girls. I am the uncle of 4 little girls. They are beautiful, I must say! Each one with a personality all their own.

As they are my siblings, I like to watch them raise their girls as it holds similarities to how I would likely raise my kids, based on us having the same example of parenting. Now in the short years they’ve each been parents I’ve quickly identified things I think they have done extremely well, that I’d hope to emulate, and also things I would never do. Ha (I’m not saying your bad parents! I’m saying everybody’s different)

Now over the last year I’ve had the opportunity to watch another gorgeous little girl as her Mommy raises her up. It’s been a joyous and fascinating experience!

All three of these families look very different, their disciplinary actions, their belief systems, their parental figures, everything is unique to each family. Watching the development of each little princess has been my privilege. And its posed many questions and thoughts in my life.

I have a set of beliefs. Everyone does. Whether you believe in Karma, Heaven and Hell, Mother Earth, or Buddha your beliefs shape your ideals. And your ideals shape your actions.

Now growing up is where the framework of my belief system was set in place. From my parents teaching of right and wrong and the sunday school lessons I learned every week. To some degree the school system, and my Canadian government taught me what was acceptable and ‘right’ practice as well.

Now as you get older, and if you pluck yourself from your natural habitat, you may find that most of the world does not hold the exact same beliefs as you do. Many, in fact, the exact opposite.

One of the things that make children so refreshingly beautiful is their naivete. They are in the process of learning and in that are as I’ve heard like a sponge, always soaking up information. I’ve come to think (of this I’m not sure) that often children don’t have the discernment to reject information they soak up. That’s where parents often come in, mediating the information accepted and rejected. Now as an outsider, which I proclaim from the start, I don’t know how a parent does it. How they work out what information is beneficial and what is unnecessary.

The tricky task I think parents have been given, is to teach a child good and bad without them blindly following a set of rules they have no explanation for.

As I meet friends who were brought up similarly to me I can often ask them questions about who they are and receive horrific answers. I can converse about relationships, religion, education or politics and they will tell me where they stand, but when it peaks my curiosity and I want to know more, I find only an outer facade for a stance lacking structure and foundation.

As much as I hate when someone reveals it to me, I am much the same. I have made decisions in my life based on what I ‘believe’, when the belief is not much more than what I was taught rather than what I have found to be true.

For parents desire to bring their children up with their good qualities and without their bad ones. If you are someone who believes in an afterlife of heaven or hell it would be difficult not to teach your children to act in a way that gets them to heaven. If you are a left wing liberal who strives for the rights of individuality and free choice, it would be difficult not to bestow that onto the next generation. But is that right? At what point must one make a choice for themselves, and will they make it an educated one?

Do I believe there’s a perfect set of beliefs out there? Ya, I probably do, I don’t think anyone will ever have them. I also know that unless you challenge my beliefs I will never have the opportunity to find anything else.

I don’t say that what a parent believes is wrong. I say that the ability to know what you believe (the difference between right and wrong, what true success in life is, the reason for existence) and to know why you believe it, is very important.

My parents did not raise me perfectly, your parents did not raise you perfectly either! There’s much I would do different, as I am sure all of you would say the same. But there are also some things I know I’m a better person for.

The beauty of the three families I spoke about earlier is that they will raise daughters that are individuals, unlike anyone else on planet Earth. What I hope for, is individuals who stand by who they are and what they become with reason and not simply what they’ve known.

There’s a difference between what you know, and what you have found to be true.

So I PLEAD, teach not only the what but more importantly the why, for it is only the WHY of your belief that can sustain WHAT you believe.

I read the bible, from time to time, and there’s a part that talks about what’s referred to as ‘sin’. (For the purposes of this post I’ll say sin is the things you do wrong) Two thoughts have always come to mind when I read this particular section. Firstly that what is sin for one individual is not necessarily sin for another. It’s a matter of heart and motivation to the individual. If I feel like its wrong when I do it, whether it truly is or not, it’s ‘sin’, yet another could have a clear conscience and it not be. Secondly, it states that if you can do something, let’s say drink alcohol, without any issue yet you know it feels wrong to your friend, you shouldn’t drink to ensure you don’t mess them up. It’s really a matter of respect I guess.

That’s what I’ve attempted to learn with this blog. I may have something beneficial to say, however if it is not said in a way as to not offend or hurt someone whether intentional or not, the point is moot. (Ps I used to think the term was ‘Moo’ and then ‘Mute’, one thing I learned this year.)

There is much lost when people are incapable of communicating information effectively.

You think of all the high profile individuals who’ve lost their voice do to a communication slip up. Perhaps there are inventors and entrepreneurs who couldn’t express their ideas in a way that investors could buy in. We as a society have progressed further when committees and boards could come to consensus.

I am a bad communicator. I admit it to the world. I am not the worst, and will never be the best, but I’ve decided not to be the same tomorrow as I am today.

Perhaps sometimes the art is in saying less than more. Perhaps it’s having a vast vocabulary to draw from. Yet I can know many words and that may make it more difficult to effectively communicate with less educated individuals.

-How many individuals potential will not be fully realized due only to their lack of education?

Well I guess I’ll share the revelation I started with.

There’s no point writing if you have nothing worthsaying…

Today I want to talk about loooovvvvveeee.

Yup that’s right!

So I can be real honest, I am not vastly experienced in the affairs of the heart. I have not had a long list of relationships or anything to that extent but i am a learner.

There’s this Christian book called ‘the five love languages’ and whether or not you agree or not (side note have not read this book) I still believe it holds some valor. The idea is this, that people show and feel loved by a certain action. For some it’s the words that matter, for others its getting things, have things done for them, quality time or another that I simply can not remember.

I’m sure that one book has not hammered in the last nail in the coffin of what love is. I do think they’ve made some progress.

Iv learnt that the way I know I am loved and feel loved is by no means the same way as another. I know that even the flip side of that is true. Things that I would view as depicting you don’t love someone can actually be them showing their love, and vice versa.

Isn’t it crazy how love is not simple and defined directly?

I wrote this statement not too long ago about love, and it speaks to this confusion I can have in my head.

‘When you hold too tight to something you can squish it and kill it, hold it closely but let it be and it’ll flourish with you’

Really I guess the truth is sometimes what you are doing to show your love can limit the others ability to show it to you.

Everyone is different and that is what makes love possible.

I’ve found that love and hate are closely related. The things that I absolutely adore about someone ar also the same things that can cause me grief.

My parents worked hard at instilling independence into me but that independence is the thing that drove them nuts when I displayed it.

I love when someone is able to take care of themselves, it makes me fond of them, and in reality it makes so much more of a privilege when I can offer them assistance, or when they allow me to care for them. However, the flip side of that coin is if they were to always be receiving help from me, willingly or not, they would become less of the person that each of us admired in the other.

Love and hate are a fine line, perhaps that’s why so many relationships can go from deep admiration to knifes at each others throats. I pray that that would never happen in my life!

The reality is the things you love about someone are often the things you wish you could change about them, you just got to kick yourself in the head and realize, if you change that, or allow them to change it for you, you won’t be the people you love so dearly.

Imperfections are the beauty in the individual, uniqueness is the flavor to relationships, and the battle between that fine line of love and hate is the reason you continue fighting for it.

I guess what I mean is, I have yet to reach my destination but i am heading in that direction.

Anyways, one of thoughts that has been permeating in brain as of recently goes as follows…

‘you can convince yourself of anything, as long as you say it enough’

I had this experience once. I was meant to meet up with someone late one evening, someone I had not seen for a few months. Now this person is great, fun to talk to, loving, caring, just plain great. But for these months that I had not seen the person I had spent much of the time thinking on the bad things of the relationship. Perhaps blaming them for things that I was not happy with in life. I has spoken about the bad things. I had thought about the disappointments. When the day came to see this person again I found myself less than pleased about the experience that would proceed. When the two of us met up, we laughed, chatted and had a great time! I could barely believe how badly I made this person out to be in my mind. Now, this bothered me. To be so convinced of something that was so far from truth

How did this happen?

The truth is, at least for me, that when my mind gets a crazy idea, no matter how wild, if I don’t process it through it festers and becomes this giant fallacy based on nothing. Literally nothing.

The simplest way I can tell you to solve this…. Face the problem! With the relationship as soon as I saw them again I knew I had been wrong.

Either way, know the truth, and get over your silly stupid thoughts!

Individuality is a beautiful thing!
 That can almost sum up the totality of a healthy existence.
How people can live a life that is dicated and ruled by another
I will never understand. The true richness of life is found amongst
those questions, whether answered or not.
 For life is not a destination but a journey.
 I applaud you for not accepting things just because someone has said it
is right or wrong, but for finding the answer that resonates with you.
What is right and wrong, good and bad? I know my understanding of the
Bible has led me to believe that there are far more gray areas amongst
what God asks us to do then there are Black and White. The problem, I
believe, that many people have with this is the requirement to be
mature. With out a simple or direct answer they are forced to work,
and use their discretion to find the 'right' answer for them.
 Always remember what is right for you and what is right for another is
not the same. It doesn't make one better or one worse. Its evidence of
why were all built as individuals!
 Life is so much more fulfilling, life is full of so much colour and
beauty... WHEN we start to realize
 Individuality is a beautiful thing! Your Biggest Fan! p.s. best work yet! ORIGINAL REPLY TO http://atadbitoflove.blogspot.com/2011/07/best-part-about-this-is-that-i-am-not.html

If you ask anyone who’s known me more than a minute they could tell you I am stubborn. (I’m sure they could tell you much more as well) One thing I have an extremely difficult time doing, is admitting I am wrong. I’ve learnt how to stand my ground even after someone has presented an excellent argument to negate mine. Sometimes I actually choose to disregard this information just for the internal satisfaction of being, my version of, right. I know, how idiotic, but who’s to say that they themselves are without quarks.

The thing is I’ve found that some of the things I know as right…. Are not. Not because I’m convinced of it entirely, but more because I can explain it fully.

I’ve entered into a new season in my life where I’ve allowed someone from the outside world to become an integrate part of mine. The interesting challenge to this is trying to balance the things I’m sure of with the things she is. We are both so sure of that we are correct in our own respects that I find myself forced to search my mind for the reasoning behind my decision.

To put it another way I’d say this. Think of the world of mathematics, I often do, you can go through an equation on a calculator and get the anwer read out to you and suddenly KNOW that you have the right answer. But do you truly know what happened through the calculators computer chip to output the answer. Do you know the source, or could you really express to someone in detail what happened between point a and point b?

I may know I’m right, but do I know that because someone showed my the answer or because I know how to find the answer?

Simply put what I’m saying is this. Just because your initial instinct is to think one way, to feel one way, to act one way, why does that initial instinct decide what is truth.

I can often feel threatened or worried, and later realize my idea of reality is simply been colored by what is truly going on.

I fight not the thinking of the world, but seek for the justification of my current thinking to enable myself to think bigger to dream larger and not be held by the confines of my mind.

Don’t let your initial rule your reality, seek for understanding, because you may begin to realize that you are cheating yourself out of a more enriched life.

Is it something that only I encounter?

Was it because of my upbringing?

Or perhaps something more…

You know I have lived a pretty good life thus far. I am always getting reactions from people saying ‘wow you’ve done a lot’. I’m kinda a jack of all trades. And I’ve experienced many different things in my short time on planet Earth. But one thing I’ve yet to work out is how to not forget. Not just simple things, as I know my girlfriend will agree I forget, but the big things of life to. It’s that simple statement you hear. You let life happen to you.

You take one day off, or you miss it one day and a routine starts building (or breaking).

Whether it be you hit the snooze button on the alarm clock, or leaving the dishes overnight. I have at times been someone that people would consider an OCD personality… and then at other times I seem so far from it I can’t even recognize myself.

I guess my question all comes down to this… How do we stay consistent in a world that lacks consistency?